Every day we have countless conversations that start with, “Hi, How are you”? We usually respond automatically by saying “Fine, thanks” and the conversation evolves naturally from there.

But, what if your response was not automatic? What if the response you chose reflected more accurately or truthfully the state of mind you were experiencing at that moment? That doesn’t mean that you’re response is going to send the other party running in the opposite direction because you said “I’m crazy,” but… what if it was a reply that was a little more thoughtful?

Maybe instead of saying “I’m fine thanks,” you said one of the following: “Well I’m puzzled today” or “I’m curious” or “I’m excited” or “I’m uncertain” You would likely get a completely different reaction to the question “How are you?” And that’s a good thing! It highlights that we can start a conversation without having to focus on a single expected response that determines that everything is okay. It gives us permission to have a conversation that treats a whole range of emotions as part of normal every day activity. By always saying “I’m fine, thanks” we make an assumption that we need to be fine!

What we need to be instead, is honest. Let’s take off the sunglasses (those belief systems we examine at Personal Mastery and Leadership Training) that can only start a conversation with a single point of view. When we start a conversation by acknowledging a different emotion, other than feeling fine, we are allowing the other person to interact with us at a more meaningful level. We have given them, and us, permission to be engaged in a discussion that is not just observing the niceties of dialogue but opens up a more meaningful conversation.

That is not to say that there isn’t a time when the automatic response isn’t appropriate but perhaps a gradual shift to doing something a little differently will give us the opportunity to accept that the broader range of emotions that we experience on a daily basis are also a natural and acceptable part of our life. We don’t have to be fine all the time! And maybe that’s the point. By recognizing how many ways of ‘being’ there are, we can all be less focused on having to be ‘fine’.